Why Julien is a dad


Ximena Payen

Julien claims this is him as a baby. But it might be his actual child. Because he is a dad.

Julien Payen is our Editor-in-Chief. And he’s secretly a dad.

Why is Julien a dad? I’m glad you asked! I compiled a list of reasons. 

    1. He wears an off-brand watch that he refers to as his “work watch”. “It has an alarm,” is his justification. Such a dad move. 
    2. He knows too many trivia facts. Julien can recognize every flag of any nation. In fact he probably uses this information when he attends bingo and trivia on Saturday nights with all the other dads.
    3. He wears New Balances everyday. Like the watch, Julien probably wears them for practical reasons. He might have issues with his middle-aged arches. They look very supportive. You do you, Dad. I mean Julien.
    4. He plays tennis. Do I need to explain this one?
    5. He reads Clive Cussler. Specifically some Moby Dick type novel about submarines that he keeps trying to tell me is a great read. Okay, Dad.
    6. He makes dad jokes and laughs at himself. At least he makes him happy. Even if the rest of us are rolling our eyes, including Mrs. Confino.
    7. He hung up the decorations in our classroom because no one else wanted to do it. He looked like my dad when Christmas comes around.
    8. He used the idiom “teacup in the ocean” and got mad at all of us for not knowing what he meant. He passionately argued his case for five minutes. Even Mrs. Confino had no idea what he was talking about. Apparently it’s supposed to be the same as “a drop in the bucket.” But only dads can make up their own slang and think it makes sense.
    9. He collects soccer jerseys from different countries. The amount of different jerseys I’ve seen Julien wear makes me suspicious that he’s been alive for a lot more than the 17 years he claims.
    10. He’s a soccer referee. Do they even hire you for that job if you don’t have children?
    11. He’s pointing at me like he’s sending me to my room as I’m writing this. But he’s not mad, just disappointed.

Even if Julien does act like a father, we respect him for who he is and all his interesting hobbies and fashion choices.

Comment what attributes of Julien reminds you of fatherhood.

Thanks for being Editor-in-Chief… I guess.

(Editor’s Note: None of the preceding points discussed in this article are true. First of all, my watch is super functional and fashionable. It has the date and time and is so much cheaper than an Apple Watch. Second, I never knew pursuing knowledge is a dad activity. Some people are clearly jealous. The last one I even need to discuss is the ones about my shoes. C’mon, everyone knows that New Balances are comfortable and don’t look as silly as these. You know who you are. Please sign up for tennis. Julien out.)

(Author’s Note: Such a dad Editor’s Note.)

Hits : 928