Thanksgiving is coming—also known as the one day a year when your house becomes a combination of a cooking show, a zoo, and a family reunion no one is emotionally prepared for. Your pets, meanwhile, have absolutely no idea why all these strangers are suddenly screaming over the oven that’s smoking (Spoiler alert: someone burned a turkey).
Here’s how to attempt (keyword: attempt) to prepare your furry, feathery, or scaly disaster goblins for this holiday season:
1. Hold a Family Meeting With Your Pet(s) (Warning- They Will Ignore You)
Sit your pet(s) down and explain the holiday schedule, the guest list, and the ground rules.
They will listen respectfully with wide, innocent eyes… and then immediately commit the exact crimes you warned them about. But at least you can say you tried?
2. Practice the “Absolutely Do NOT Eat That” Olympics
Thanksgiving is basically the best parkour workout for you, as it’s a festival of foods your pets cannot have, but really want.
To prepare, rehearse:
- Removing a roll from your dog’s mouth
- Untangling your cat from the centerpiece or chandelier
- Practice screaming “ NO, don’t eat THAT”
3. Build a Distraction Buffet (If It Works on Toddlers, It Might Just Work on Pets)
When I was younger, my parents always had a separate kids’ table, where instead of the adult food, I was given mac n’ cheese and Oreos. So why not try it on you’re pets? Prepare an array of things to keep your pet busy while humans attempt to eat in peace:
- Treat puzzles
- Chew toys
- That one toy your dog hasn’t touched in 6 months
- A cardboard box
4. Create a “Pet Safe Zone,” or at Least Pretend You Can
Set aside a room where stressed pets can chill away from the chaos.
This zone will be ignored by:
- Your dog (who must supervise all kitchen activity)
- Your cat (who will slip under the door like a ghost mist)
- The random cousin who thinks your pet “wants to hang out with him specifically”
Still, have the room ready. Worst case, you can use it to escape yourself.
5. Train Your Guests More Than Your Pets
The real problem on Thanksgiving isn’t your pet—it’s “Uncle Bob” who:
- Feeds the dog turkey skin
- Leaves the door wide open
- Encourage your parrot to repeat questionable words
- Says, “Your cat will like me if I hold her tighter.”
Send out a pre-holiday PSA with the invite:
“ Do NOT interact with the pet(s) recklessly”
6. Accept the Chaos
No matter how prepared you are:
- Someone will drop food, and your dog will appear faster than Wi-Fi.
- Your cat will parkour off the fridge.
- A bowl will break. A drink will spill.
- Your guinea pig might attempt jail-break #67.
This is normal. This is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is all about gratitude, good food, and mild household destruction. With a little preparation, your pets will make it through the holiday—and maybe only ruin one dish this year.
But remember:
Worst case, you can always get takeout. Happy Turkey Day from everyone at The Current!
