Ranking Watkins Mill’s bathrooms: the good, the bad, and the golden throne

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Sanjay Fernando

The male bathroom located in the C-D hallway on the top floor offers an assortment of luxury goodies, including a yellow-stained toilet, no-ply toilet paper, scrunched paper towels, and used masks.

Have you ever walked into the bathroom and realized just how gross it really is? I don’t mean like port-a-john-at-a-fairground-gross but still, it’s pretty gross right? If you said no, I would question your sanity.

With that said, here are the best–and worst–bathrooms at Watkins Mill.

To start us off, we have the female bathroom by the E hall that has been vandalized by lipstick as pink as a flamingo. The male bathroom, on the other hand, has these weird rubber plates in the toilet that could double as frisbee if you tried hard enough. 

As you make your way to the female A-B hall bathroom, you realize that the whole Bath and Body Works shop traveled into it.  And then, when you open a stall and see there’s no toilet paper, it’s like you just missed Bath and Body Works’ awesome summer sale they have going on.  When you check because you need it, it’s gone.

The boys bathroom, however, was worse because as you’re walking in, you see a roach just chilling on the door frame.  So, you choose to turn around and forget every intention of using the bathroom in the first place.

Now, we all expect the staff bathrooms to be nice and lavish with the nice soaps and two-ply toilet paper, but instead, the female staff’s bathroom has about 10,000 rolls of toilet paper all around and the same moisture-sucking soap that students use. The men on the top floor receive the same courtesy, but they only have one stall! Sharing is caring, after all.

As for the middle floor, you couldn’t really catch the bathrooms in their natural habitats because they were just cleaned. But, I did catch the female staff bathroom and I can conclude that it looked just like the upstairs—minus all the extra toilet paper. 

The men’s room on the middle floor must have been a natural zoo habitat because I could not go in there—for fear out of my own safety, hygiene, cleanliness, and emotional stability—to scope out the place.

Of course Watkins Mill isn’t a school without the closed bathrooms and the bottom floor didn’t fail to disappoint! The rest of the bathrooms down there were small, and the staff bathroom remained the same.

Now, the bathroom we have all been waiting for… Ms. Goddard’s personal bathroom*! It was the best bathroom yet, with the lavender incense burning and the toilet made of 100 percent pure natural gold. Of course the bathroom was clean as could be and there was three-ply toilet paper!

*I didn’t actually get to see Ms. Goddard’s bathroom, but I’m assuming this is what it looks like while we peasants pee with the rest of the common folk.

So there you have it. Next time nature calls, answer wisely. And please clean up after yourselves. Building services has enough on their plates without having to clean up that nastiness!

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