Cicadas’ diabolical return


Joshua Burgos

After 17 years, Cicadas return to irritate most of the nation.

Every 17 years the great infestation returns. Children will run and scream, adults will cower in fear, suspicious characters will be revealed, and tears will be shed. The cicadas have arrived.

Cicadas are those fat bugs that make those weird noises and you can never seem to find them. A small bunch of them come out every year. Though once every 17 years, a large brood of cicadas come out to haunt the east to mid-west regions. They arise from the nether regions to shed their skin and leave their husks around for you to step on.

The official name for their periodical return is Brood X. If you choose to believe that the name is too nerdy, the name “The Great Plague of the Destroyer of Worlds” is good too.  The cicadas have risen because it is their evil plan to slowly take over the human population by annoying us until we collapse from their sheer numbers. Some also believe that it is an evolutionary strategy to survive colder temperatures, but that’s super lame.

As a victim of their infestation, you may ask why every 17 years? To this day it’s unknown. Scientists theorize that it’s due to mating cycles or life spans, but they hide the truth from us. Much like the Pennywise from Stephen King’s “IT,” evil comes periodically. The true intent of cicadas is to observe and study our behavior and evolutionary patterns. They want to mimic us to soon join our society. We won’t even be able to tell the difference between human and cicada. Be careful, an impostor may very well be next to you right at this moment.

Cicadas face many natural predators, including, but not limited to birds, spiders, or even your household pets. Cicadas are like protein filled snacks to many animals, some even going out of their way to hunt them. Cicadas aren’t that strong by themselves, they’re just really fat flies that fail to carry themselves and make annoying sounds. This is why cicadas have evolved to survive in large numbers. Avoid approaching mysterious figures in the dark, it very well may be a swarm of cicadas posing as a person.

Cicadas pose no immediate threat. That is until they strike out their plan to overthrow nations and establish dominance over humans.  For now, they will not ruin your crops or spread disease. They will just be super annoying and scary. If you’re brave enough, you can even eat them. After the season, expect the cicadas to move back underground to relay information and revise their plan for taking over the world.

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