Ah, the high school years; a time for discovering yourself, learning and growing as a person, discovering your academic potential, and most importantly, figuring out what the hell relationships are.

The average high school student will be, or want to be in, at least one romantic relationship throughout their four (or more) years of school. And as one would imagine, high schoolers commonly use their time to experiment with sexuality and try to find themselves.

This, in turn, leads to occasional complications with family which can be a struggle to deal with–especially over the holidays. That’s why I, your local queer relationship expert, have taken the liberty of helping you out with these problematic situations.

First off, let’s get the serious stuff out of the way. If you haven’t come out to your parents or whoever you reside with, there are some things to consider. What is their reaction most likely going to be? If you think that telling your parent/guardian will compromise your safety, then perhaps keeping to yourself is the best option.

Especially for minors, safety should be your number one priority.

That being said, other relatives are a whole different playing field. Many people will come out to one or more family members whom they feel more comfortable around before telling their parents.

Although, if your extended family is anything like mine, they’re the real issue. Conservative values are hard to rid a person of, but they can be tolerated.

The least harmful situations, but still annoying, are conversations. Now, in this context, you basically have two options (besides lying, which I would advocate against). You can be completely honest and face the wrath of criticism, or , my personal favorite, really vague one-word answers. Some examples could be,

“So, do you have a boyfriend?”

“No.”

“ But I heard you were dating?”

“Yep.”

“But you don’t have a boyfriend?”

“Nope.”

And so on. Using this tactic requires the person to either assume for themselves or ask really specific questions, which leads us to our second situation.

Really specific questions. This is where it gets uncomfortable and a little awkward. The best way to approach, and potentially avoid this, is to be short and sweet. Be honest, be positive, and don’t argue. The last thing you want is to create fights around the holidays.

Resist the temptation to scold or harshly correct someone, because most of the time they don’t know any better. If you feel that you are uncomfortable with this, just change the subject, it’s awkward but it gets the point across.

Next we have probably the worst to deal with. Really ignorant statements/questions. Some of these might include:

“Well, have you thought about therapy?”

“It’s just a phase.”

“They just want attention.”

“All gays have AIDS you know.”

These suck, and unfortunately, There’s no easy way around this. The best method to avoid conversation like this is to change the subject and not acknowledge the statements. An easy subject change is to ask questions about the person. Whether you barely know them or you’ve heard every story 100 times, avert the subject to them. Everybody loves talking about themselves.

Now these tips are more to deal with the situation socially, but what about psychologically? Being ridiculed by relatives hurts, even when you know they don’t know better. One of my biggest pieces of advice is to have a friend on call. Having somebody you know you can talk to when things are just a little too much helps.

Regardless of all the negativity, remember that the holidays are about love. So whether or not your family is annoying, remember to have a safe and happy holiday season.