School air destroys my hair (the problem you didn’t know about)


Michelle Batres

The school air is the culprit behind the crimes committed against my hair.

All of my school mornings are the same. I shower, get dressed, and take off my durag to fix my hair. And if you care about hair like I do, you know hair could be the make or break on how you look. So I adjust it, stretch it using a blow dryer, and admire how my hair almost covers my eyes. I think to myself “Wow, my hair is getting longer.”

Finally, I stand in the mirror for five minutes and just commend myself for the masterpiece I made. Leaving the house feeling like the handsomest man alive, I take the bus to school and prance in the hallways thinking I looked as good as when I left the house.

But just to double check, I head to the bathroom mirror to make sure I look okay, and boom.

My life flashes before my eyes.

The hair that had me feeling like Rapunzel now looks like the part when Flynn gave her a pixie cut (no hate to those who rock pixie cuts, but I don’t have the facial structure to pull it off, and everybody knows that man didn’t have to cut it that short). I deliberately try to fix it, but the damage is already done so I must continue the day with my subparhair.

The questions flow like a river.

“Why did my hair shrink so fast?”

“What could I have possibly done differently?”

“Will my crush be here today?”

After almost a year of this problem occurring, upon extensive research (and a general need for something to blame), I came to the conclusion that the school air is the problem. 

It’s what makes the most sense! What other reason could there be? My hair was gorgeous when I left my house—it even looks good as I take the bus, but as soon as I enter school, my hair wants to be disobedient. And this isn’t only me, this is the case with many people of color. Our hair is naturally curly/coily, but when exposed to humidity, our hair gets even more curly and coily.

And Watkins Mill is humid. I don’t know if it’s the heat or if the students are packed in the mixing bowl or in the E-hall like a pack of sardines generating moist heat, but it gets humid here.

It even affects people’s skin. I personally know people who have decent skin but leave school with a face you can play “connect the dots” with. They either get a new pimple somewhere, or leave with much more textured skin. Now I personally can’t relate on the skin part because my skin is simply flawless at all times; however I will admit on select days of the month, my skin leaves a tad bit more flawed (and oily) than when I left my home.

According to www.alassane’, (Editor’s note: this is the most credible website—so credible that laymen like you don’t have the clearance to access it) side effects of school air include bad attitudes, bad grades, slow walking (I’m immune from that part), hunger (that’s why the vending machines are there, schools put an enzyme in the HVAC system that leads to hunger when inhaled, but instead of going out to eat, they place vending machines near the exits), and overall delusion.

For my other wavy/curly/coily haired friends, I hope this article offered you some clarity about why your hair acts up when you attend school.

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