If you watch The Simpsons, or the news, or have a Facebook account, then you’ve probably heard about Mormons by now. At least, that’s what everyone calls us.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, please keep reading, you may learn something. If you know everything about Mormons, keep reading, you may learn something. (Yes, that was supposed to be funny. I find it funny that you think you know everything about us. Prepare to learn *insert cackling.*)

Before I start, the term “Mormon” is actually a sort of nickname for the members of “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.” I will be using “Mormons” because that saves me a lot of word space and my hands won’t fall off from typing it so many times.

Let’s get down to business. First of all, I am a normal student. I miss deadlines, I make mistakes, and I know the struggle that is commonly known as “an IB workload.” I also find it hilarious when people think that I’m from a different planet, just because I’m a Mormon.

Now I know what you’re thinking: How do I know when someone is a Mormon?

Well usually, we’ll tell you. We’re like vegans or people who do CrossFit that way. But if you really want to develop a Mormon radar, there are a few things to look out for that can help you spot one of us.

First of all, we don’t have horns.

And yes, some people actually believe that we do. I have no idea why they think this, but while I’m on the subject, I may as well clear it up. The only thing on the top of my head is hair, thank you very much. And occasionally hats.

We also don’t curse. At least, not like everyone else. If you know someone who says “fudge” or “fetch” or “shoot” or “nuts” or “darn” instead of the alternative words, they’re probably a Mormon. Or they just don’t curse. There are people like that. Yes, really.

You can also identify a Mormon by the dark circles under his or her eyes from waking up early.

I wake up at 4:55 every weekday morning to attend a scripture study group before school. We meet at 6:20, but again, I am a normal high school girl, and it takes me forever to get ready, so I wake up at freaking 4:55 am. Not impressed yet? Wait for it… I don’t drink coffee.

That’s right. All the late nights doing homework and the early mornings at church, and all I have to pull myself along is chocolate milk and donuts on Friday mornings. I know what you’re thinking… Have I sold my soul in exchange for never having to sleep? No, that’s ridiculous. I’ve just trained myself really well. In fact, I’m writing this column on 4 hours of sleep (thank you IB Biology).

Also, (and this may be the most obvious) the best season for finding Mormons is in the summer, because we’ll be the ones wearing knee-length shorts and shirts WITH SLEEVES in 90 degree weather. Go to a beach and you’ll see us from a mile away. We’re the ones not wearing bikinis. That’s right, we only swim in suits that cover our stomachs (well, the girls do. Guys wear trunks I guess. I don’t know the particulars because I am a girl). Oh the horror! Wearing something that covers the midriff in SUMMER!

I’m not trying to put anyone down if you do any of these things. If that’s how you live, then right on. You do you. I’m just trying to explain how Mormons live and how we’re sometimes looked at differently because of it.

One of the things I get asked about a lot is why we CAN’T do all these things, or if we’re ever angry or sad that we CAN’T “act normally.”

This bothers me so much and let me tell you why.

Pay attention because what I am about to say is probably the most important part of everything that I write here and I am 100 percent serious and not meaning to offend anyone or be preachy.

I’m happy living like this. People think I’m not having a good time because I don’t do drugs or smoke or drink alcohol or whatever kids think is cool, but that’s not true. I love the way I live, even if it’s difficult sometimes.

The truth is, I don’t need to swear or wear booty shorts or even drink coffee in order to have a good life, and I’m happy and I’m not alone. And that’s all that matters!