Lord Josus!! It’s THAT time of year again. The flowers that reek of pungent, stomach churning perfume, the anatomically incorrect organs, and red EVERYWHERE.

After 17 years, I don’t know if I can survive another Valentine’s Day.

As I make my way downtown, I see myself walking faster and faster in order to dodge the hearts, roses and “I LOVE YOU” balloons. It all sickens me. I hate seeing couples just holding hands, but on this day they go all out trying to show each other that after three weeks they have fallen desperately in love.

Now you may be thinking, “Jos, you have a boyfriend. How can you hate Valentine’s Day?” Well, okay I don’t necessarily hate the “holiday,” or whatever, even though it is a sorry excuse for businesses to make more money in the slow season. No, I hate what it makes everyone do and say.

A few weeks before Valentine’s Day, you can scroll down your Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, Myspace, LinkedIn, Foursquare, Google Plus, or any other social media and see girls praying that they find a “boo” by the special day. Then they post pictures of stuffed animals, roses and balloons shaped like hearts, hoping the guy they want gets the hint.

Valentine’s Day, itself, is the most disgusting day of the entire year. Everywhere is crawling with brand new couples, kissing and touching, saying gushy things, “you are my light”, “I love you”, “I don’t know what I did without you”. Please, all you have to do is think about yesterday to remember life without them. It’s really not that deep, fam.

Regardless of all the nauseating things I run into, I’m always consoled knowing that all these repulsive, fake couples will be gone within the week. So I think I’ll just sit back and enjoy the spoils of the day….like candy.

I do love candy.  

Happy Candy-Giving Day everyone!