SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

This Sunday marks the 50th Anniversary of the National Football League’s Super Bowl. Which also happens to be arguably the best Sunday of the year, where sometimes the most confusing things can happen.

Just look at last year’s Super Bowl, when the best team in the league (the Patriots)  intercepted the Seattle Seahawks at the last second. If that’s not a reason to celebrate, I don’t know what is.

Unless you live under a rock, you’re probably going to or throwing a party.

Great job being social!

Now if you plan on throwing party, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, throw the party correctly. You probably read that last sentence like “How on Earth do you throw a bad Super Bowl party?” Well trust me, I’ve been to pretty badly planned parties and they’re not fun. At all.

So, in the interest of letting you still have friends on Monday (and so I don’t have to sit through another terrible party. You know who you are, and yes, your party is why I hate you!), I will now teach you the Do’s and Don’ts on how to watch what could be the best Super Bowl of all time.

First, DO have a clean and functional TV. I once saw a dirt stain on a TV and spent the entire game convinced aliens were invading. I don’t want to wear a tinfoil hat through the game this year, so clean your TV.

DO: Have a buffet of foods or at least pizza. Nothing is worse than showing up to a party without any food. Especially during a Super Bowl party, where food companies promote their best commercials. If I’m going to see a Doritos commercial, and I will, there better be bags, as in more than a mini-bag filled with air, of Nacho Red Doritos. Same goes for pizza, wings, and, ideally, tacos. (And a side note: commercials are not the time to go to the bathroom. It’s either half time or never.)

DON’T: Be a bandwagon fan. Bandwagoning is a tradition found every single year and it needs to end immediately. Like weren’t you just a Seahawks fan and now you’re all about the Panthers? Pick your team and own it! No one cares if your team isn’t in the Super Bowl. Well, actually, I do. But it’s fun even if your team is as bad as the entire NFC East this year. (And when the Redskins were the best in the division, you know how bad that is!)

Lastly, DO: Invite me. Especially if you followed my rules. I’m a social, outgoing person with hilarious jokes. Just ask Jennifer Vargas. Now make sure there are barbecue wings or I will Cam Newton quarterback sneak my way to another party.

Happy Super Bowl! Go Panthers!