Are you tired of people giving you gifts you actually need? What if someone had the audacity to even remotely imply that you’re getting them a gift?  Using complicated holiday math, I’ve created a list of gifts that are both useless to give and get.

6) Single Right AirPod.

A single right AirPod is a perfect gift for those going for the young and hip look. They offer all the benefits of earplugs and none of the headphone features because, without the case, you won’t be able to connect your phone!

5) Seven dollar bills, three of which are Canadian.

For those of you who’ve recently come back from vacation or are planning to go to Canada, this one is for you! Give someone this great gift of about three McChickens and two chicken sandwiches from Tim Horton’s. This flexible gift is perfect for all your traveling family and friends.

4) Season tickets to the Redskins.

Do you have that one aunt who always pesters you at dinner? Now you have a gift for her! Not only is it unwanted, but the games are just as disappointing as her seventh marriage.

3) Pictures of someone else’s family.

Maybe get this one for yourself. Maybe use your best friend’s family who actually likes you or a stock photo family of people who won’t make snarky comments every 30 seconds at dinner or question every little thing you do. It’s the holiday season, treat yourself for once. 

 2) Gift cards that can only be used at Lakeforest Mall.

This one will go one of two ways: either they’ll be able to use it at the very few stores that are still open at Lakeforest (believe it or not, they still have stores open), or the mall will close and the gift cards will become more useful.

1) Your love and affection.

Who would even use this? A gift that you wanted to give to someone else but you realized they didn’t want, so now you kind of have to just get rid of it. Whoever you give this too surely won’t give you the same gift back so it’s doubly useless making it the number one most useless gift this holiday!

Editor’s Note: The Current takes no responsibility for loss of friendships that may occur if you gift someone with the ideas listed here, especially the Redskins tickets.