Being Editor-in-Chief of The Current is a very important job; they work as a leader of the newspaper and a representative of the staff. They are such a big part of the backbone of the newspaper… yet this year, the position is held by one of the most annoying people I know (and love).

There’s special, and then there’s Jade Pinkowitz. So I think it’s only right to list the top ten things about her that honestly don’t make sense.

1. Jade is afraid of mascots.

Now, in reality, Jade is afraid of everything, but she is terrified of mascots. I was at a football game with her once and nearly saw her cry at the sight of one. She is fully aware that mascots are not real and that a human being is under the costume, but that doesn’t stop her from running away like a five-year-old girl. She has jumped over chairs and cowered in corners to get away from them.

2. She sings — and it’s not good.

This Christmas, I gifted noise-canceling headphones to the entire class because Jade just randomly sings as if the rest of us want to hear one of the hyenas from The Lion King. She doesn’t even realize she’s doing it half the time, it’s just her absentmindedly singing. I love you girl, but if you love me back, please stop.

3. SHE THINKS IT’S OKAY TO BE LOUD. 

This girl is so loud it really should be seen as a crime. How is it when I have my headphones blasting in my ear I can still somehow hear her over everything? How can a human even be that loud? I am basically friends with a human microphone.

4. She thinks she’s a comedian.

Jade isn’t funny. She thinks she is, but she isn’t. And she insists that she is but every time we laugh, it’s at her, not the joke. Need proof? Here’s a joke she told recently (while laughing almost too hard to get the joke out.)

Jade: You know how geese fly in a V?  Why is one side of the V longer?

Us: We don’t care.

Jade: Because there are more geese on that side.

Us: Please never tell a joke again.

5. She has AWFUL taste in men.

There must be a sign on this girl’s face that only terrible or ugly guys can see that encourages them to get with her because homegirl just picks the wrong ones. Don’t get me wrong, she is gorgeous and deserves the best, but if her love life was a poker game she would be in huge debt.

6. She gets super defensive about nothing.

I can’t tell you how many times Jade has nearly started a war because of a simple statement that nobody cares about. You know she’s getting defensive when her voice gets high-pitched and her eyebrows crunch towards each other. It’s one of the cutest things she does but it’s also one of the most annoying. It’s never that deep, sis.

7. She calls herself fun-sized.

A candy bar can be fun-sized but Jade is JUST SHORT! There is nothing else to it. You’re short and your feet and hands are tiny, instead of denying it, just waddle proudly.

8. She complains A LOT. 

Jade’s favorite line is, “Why do you bully me so much?” In fact, it’s all I have heard while writing this. She complains about being tired in the morning, she complains about her love life (go back to number 5), and she complains about life in general. It’s a coping mechanism but sis just needs to take a breath sometimes. (Also, she approved of me writing this article. It’s not bullying if she’s okay with me doing it!)

9. Her laugh is almost worse than her singing. 

Whenever she laughs I really question my existence because it sounds like a baby seal gasping for air, or a bat running into a cave wall, or a hyena choking on a bird, or Goofy dying—you get the point. The laugh is armed and dangerous.

10. She’s does everything sooooooo slowly.

Jade actually might be slower than a grandma driving a minivan. She is just slow in every possible thing, I mean she will probably take forever to read this article.

Even though Jade can be annoying, she really is an amazing friend and person. She is one of a kind and almost everyone who knows her loves her so much. Whether she’s feeding people, giving up her time to give advice or listen to someone rant, taking photos for athletes, helping with school work, or just being there for you, she truly wants to help the people in her life.

Yes, sometimes her existence stresses people out, but life would honestly be harder without her. Love you!