Around this time of year, people tend to call me the Ebenezer Scrooge of Christmas, simply because I am not one to get into the “holiday spirit,” whatever that is. 

I’m a Jew on Christmas. Isn’t that hysterical? Why would anyone actually expect me to be joyful on a holiday that sweeps MY holiday under its butt, and sits directly on it? Ugh.

However, despite my bitterness, there’s one thing that I always enjoy about this dreadful time of year: the sales. As stereotypical as it may sound, penny pinching is kind of my forte–a hobby of sorts. 

Every day after Black Friday (no, not ON Black Friday), expect to see me out in the crowd, scouting deals, prowling across the stores, and striking at every savings opportunity. Don’t get me wrong, I love shopping. But standing there watching my money be dispensed into countless stores’ cash registers, is not my idea of fun.

Right now, my wallet is just as dry as California. This drought is serious business.

Most of the time, I spend my money on food because it’s super cheap. But, after a few days, I’m sitting there hungry, and a few bucks short on some super cool technology gadget thing (As you can tell, I don’t really do well keeping up with the names of these new fangled devices, but Lord knows I want ‘em).

Sorry, got kinda sidetracked, anyways, back to the sales.

I think the best part of sales is the fact that everything is so cheap, like if something is half off, that gives me the opportunity to buy twice as much! Some people (losers) would call this a “shopping problem.” Some may even go as far as saying I’m an “addict,” but they don’t know what they’re talking about. I can quit whenever I want.

The sales also give me the opportunity to use the various gift cards that people have given to me throughout the year. Since most people don’t know me that well, they usually don’t know what to get me; so I normally end up receiving a gift card… or… ugly socks, or something.

Using gift cards is great because: 1) It’s someone else’s money, 2) All I’ve got to do is swipe, and 3) It allows me to pretend like I have a debit card again. (My mom cut me off after The Great Shopping Fiasco of 2013, but let’s not talk about that.)

Even though I don’t celebrate this holiday known as Christmas, one thing I am grateful for is the ability to buy all these things. That’s about as close as I’ll get when it comes to getting into the “holiday spirit,” and I’m perfectly fine with that.