SNOW, SNOW, SNOW!

Snow is the main reason we all love this time of year. Whether it’s getting us out of school early, creating powdery slopes to sled down, or just a pretty scene to watch out of our windows while sipping hot cocoa (with the little marshmallows), snow is the best part of winter.

Luckily, I have figured out a way to produce snow without waiting for it to come down on its own. After doing thorough research on how to literally make snow fall from the sky (trust me, this is real), I have discovered the secret recipe for making a snow day.  And because I love snow days, I want to share that recipe with all of you.

FIRST STEP: DO NOT DO ANY HOMEWORK THE NIGHT BEFORE YOU WANT IT TO SNOW. The Snow King will accept this offering and bless you with snow, but ONLY if you do NONE of your homework. ZERO, ZILCH, NADA. In addition to doing no homework, you must stay up past midnight and offer burnt offerings to the Snow King. These offerings consist of burnt leaves, burnt food ORRRRRRR burnt parents! That’s my favorite offering of them all.  

(Just kidding mom and dad, please don’t take my phone away again!)

SECOND STEP:  TWEET ABOUT IT! The more you tweet about wanting snow the more @OfficialSnowKing will watch! HE KNOWS ALL! If you tweet “norom a ma i” backwards to him, you will wake up to a winter wonderland in the morning. The biggest part of the second step is to make sure you are tweeting. If you don’t tweet about how much you need or want snow, then the Snow King can’t see it and will not bless you with his perfect frozen precipitation.

THIRD STEP: LISTEN TO MUSIC. Listening to GOOD music will please the Snow King. If you want to receive the best connection with the King, I recommend Kendrick Lamar, Drake and MIGOS. THE SNOW KING LOVES MIGOS. (On a side note, a Migos Christmas mixtape would be pretty lit.) Anyways, the music must be on a Bluetooth speaker only. No headphones, and no plugs–those prevent the Snow King from hearing his beloved Migos and then angers him.

FOURTH AND FINAL STEP: Wear your pajamas inside-out AND backwards. Over the years, so many kids have done one or the other and not both, then complained that this does not work. You HAVE TO do both in order for it to work properly. If you do one or the other, it’s guaranteeing that it will NOT snow.  The Snow King told me this himself! He is tired of kids wishing for snow and not doing the procedures I have listed. Why would you want to crush the hopes and dreams of schoolchildren everywhere by ensuring a lack of snow because you wore your pajamas wrong? 

If you follow these procedures, you will definitely have snow. If not, I will give you my social security number. Just come to me with proof that you tried all of these steps and it didn’t snow anywhere in the world, and you can have it.

All praise the Snow King!