Tis the season to be jolly!

Well no, not really, not at all. Ever since these pilgrims stole MY holiday, this season just makes me cry. You all have probably heard the story by now, but I don’t mind telling it again.

Once upon a time, I was the King of the Land and the people loved me greatly. Every November we celebrated Gabesgiving along with a bunch of different totally real holidays.

The people were preparing for another successful holiday season. Gabe-O-Ween was a success! The townspeople collected their candy and then turned it all into me, as was the custom and law of the land. With my humble selfless attitude, I decided to eat all the candy and execute any townspeople who had objections.

The next day began the month-long of Gabesgiving. The year was 1600.

It was a cold Gabesgiving in Gabe Hampshire when these old dudes wearing brown compression pants (I think that is what they were) came up to me. They screamed “Happy Thanksgiving” and brought gifts to me. A turkey, cranberries, sweet potatoes, pies and…. PRUNES. I love prunes sooooo much!

After I ate all the prunes, I was so stuffed that I decided to take a nap, trusting my visitors would not do anything. After all I was Gabe Guloko, King of the Native Gabe-ians! All who came would surely show homage to my greatness!

When I woke up from my nap my town was destroyed and all of the people who came to celebrate Gabesgiving were imprisoned or dead.

I fled the town to save my life because these wild pilgrims tried to kill me. After I left, the pilgrim king named Thanks renamed all of my holidays and took over North America. I sat in agony for 415 years, but this year is my time to spread the word.

Gabesgiving is coming back this year!    

For the return of Gabesgiving, there are certain things you should do for me. First, bring me small gifts in the week of my holiday (the week of November 22). After that, buy me food… like, a lot of food. Lastly, give me some money because I lost all my wealth.

Then, once we are done celebrating the wonder that is Gabesgiving, get ready for the rest of the Gabe-idays: Gablack Friday, Gyber Monday, Gabenukkah and Gabemas.

Have a Happy Gabe-idays!