It’s fair to say that a lot of MCPS hates on our sports team a little too much… 

For the benefit of their safety, YES SAFETY! I suggest they hop down from the hate bandwagon or they’ll suffer from the dreaded hate plague. 

Hate Plague Disorder (HPD) is a medical condition that affects 50 in every 1 American.

Every 60 seconds, a patient withers away due to the terrible symptoms. My great aunt Mi-mi had HPD. She passed away last year when her heart melted down through her body.

If I recall correctly the first symptom of HPD is the intense desire to consume onions. Patients with HPD lose the ability to metabolize anything other than onions. Attempting to consume other foods results in INSTANT defecation. 

About 6 or 7 months into Aunt Mi-mi’s battle with HPD, we started noticing the sporadic growth in her armpit hair. 

She’d shave them, but they’d grow down to her toes in a matter of weeks! 

I suggested utilizing them as a makeshift scarf as winter was approaching, but she preferred using them to keep her pants up. 

Finally, the last and worst symptom, the liquefaction of the skin and organs. This one’s pretty self-explanatory. During the final years of Mi-mi’s life, the doctors advised against giving her baths as only her bones would be left.

I’m sure if we went on over to Mimis’ grave and lightly stomped, we could hear the gentle swishing of water rocking back and forth. 

To this day I’m not sure exactly how she contracted HPD, but it wouldn’t be a reach to suggest MCPS is on the path to it.

I now speak directly not to just MCPS but to ALL of those who detest the Watkins Mill sports teams. Please for your safety quit the negative attitude!

If not for me then for my beloved onion-reeking aunt. [Editor’s note: RIP Aunt Mi-mi]

Go ‘Rines!