A short skit about “pets”


Sanjay Fernando

An unknown animal invades your backyard. Do you have to keep it?

Person 1: Starting now, if an animal ends up in your yard, you must keep it as a pet and take care of it for the rest of your life.

Person 2: But what if I don’t want a pet?

Person 1: Well… that sucks you still have to keep it if it ends up in your yard.

Person 2: Okay, but I don’t want a pet.  Are you going to help me pay for all the supplies needed to care for this pet, for the bills that I will now get because it is not just me in my house now? Are you going to give me a flexible schedule for me to take time off to care for this pet, or pay me to be able to afford groceries?

Person 1: No, but you could always build a fence around your yard so animals can’t get in.

Person 2: Okay, well, will you make supplies to build a fence easy to access and affordable for me?

Person 1: Ha, that’s funny.  We were actually thinking about raising the prices of fencing supplies and making them really hard to get ahold of.

Person 2: Okay well, what if I struggle with substance abuse and depression, and I absolutely can’t give this pet a good life since I can’t even take care of my own?

Person 1: You can always give the pet up to a shelter where it could be adopted.

Person 2: Can you guarantee that the pet will go to a loving home and be provided the care and attention it needs?

Person 1: No.

Person 2: So why would I give the animal to a shelter? What if I just “take care of” the animal that lands in my yard? *wink wink*

Person 1: That would then be a federal crime, even though you do have the constitutional right to do what you want with your yard. We will still fine you for “taking care of” the animal.

Person 2: But what if I was held down against my will, while this animal was forced onto my yard? Now I have a pet and I was held against my will when it happened.

Person 1: That really sucks but you have to keep the pet or give it to a shelter.

Person 2: So you won’t pay me to take care of it, you won’t give me time off to take care of it, you won’t allow fencing materials to be accessible or affordable, I can’t kill it, and you can’t guarantee it a happy safe life if I give it away? Will you at least educate kids on how to prevent animals from ending up in their yard and what to do if one does?

Person 1: No, we’re actually going to make it illegal to teach anything relating to animals landing in your yard and keeping them as pets in the school system.

– Scene –

That is exactly how I imagine the conversation about abortion going between the government and society.

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