Ella and the treacherous, dreadful, bad Valentine’s day


Sanjay Fernando

Ella explains a completely hypothetical situation in which Valentine’s day goes very, very wrong.

“Baby it’s you! You’re the one I love! You’re the one I need. You’re the only one I see! Come on, baby it’s youuuu!” Beyonce blares through the kitchen as I sit down with my date for dinner; a home-cooked meal specifically.

Now you may be wondering, “Ella who are you on a date with?” I’ll tell you who, a T-bone steak seared to perfection, glazed with seasoned butter. Hints of garlic, rosemary, pepper all come together on the plate with a side of mashed potatoes. What’s the occasion?

Valentine’s Day! The worst holiday of the year for singles. Most of us ladies just want to feel special. The act of receiving roses and huge boxes of chocolates, while heartwarming, for most is sickening for the rest of us. I mean,watching all your friends be in love and happy, is absolutely disgusting.

The last Valentine’s Day I experienced was trash. I spent the better part of the morning getting all dressed up and doing Valentine’s makeup, craving to look perfect. The day started off well, I met my Valentine somewhere we exchanged gifts, took pictures, and went our separate ways.

The day was going a little too well. I was sitting there watching the To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before trilogy when I got a text, “It’s not working out for me, we should end this.” If I wasn’t crying before I definitely was now. I cried for hours between watching Lara Jean get heartbroken and feeling my own heartbreak.

Valentine’s day is the worst holiday ever known to man. Watching girls get gifts and flowers, and teddy bears. Watching my best friend brag about how amazing her date with her boyfriend was, all the while I sit there in a comatose state, smiling and pretending to care. I couldn’t even be single in my own house watching tv without seeing lovey-dovey shows and movies all over the place.

Cupid’s aim really sucks, not for me though. I have a date, but y’all stay safe out there this year. Happy Valentine’s Day!

*This story is not based on true events. It is purely for entertainment purposes and a satirical article.*

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