Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire. The thoughts and opinions held in this article do not represent the views of The Current and don’t necessarily reflect the views of anyone, including myself.

We all have one favorite stairwell to cry in; there’s just something about that cheese-scented D hallway stairwell that speaks to you, or maybe the view from the C hallway stairwell reminds you just how miserable you really are.

Or maybe you don’t: maybe you’re still not sure which stairwell is the one for you. Well, never fear! The Current has you covered with our list of the best stairwells to cry in, just in time for your seasonal depression! Yay!

10 – The A Hallway Stairwell

The A hallway stairwell features a gorgeous view to keep you company whilst you cry. My only complaint is that this stairwell also has the best lighting in the school, so if people taking full-on photoshoots with you crying in the background is something you don’t want, maybe skip this one.

9 – The B Hallway Stairwell

Not much to say about this stairwell, it has all the basic requirements for a good cry. It would be higher up on the list if it didn’t smell like stale Cheetos all the time.

8 – The R Hallway Stairwell

This is the secret stairwell Watkins Mill doesn’t want you to know about.

7 – This Set of Stairs I found Online

I don’t even know where these stairs are from, I just thought they looked kind of cool.

6 – The C Hallway Stairwell

This is the stairwell you go to cry in when you haven’t finished your article and Mrs. Confino keeps yelling at you. What I love about this stairwell is that Jade hasn’t figured out this is where you hide so you’re basically safe… oh God how did she find me? Someone help!

3 – The D Hallway Stairwell

The perfect hallway to cry in when your best friend (who also happens to be your Editor-in-Chief) doesn’t want to date you. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there, buddy.

And at number 1 – the E hallway stairwell!!

The most secluded stairwell in the school, perfect for all those more private cries. The only company you’ll find here are the loitering couples who are too busy canoodling to even notice you’re there…and Jade, for whatever reason.

So there you have it. The definitive top ten stairwells at Watkins Mill to cry at. Did your favorites make the list? Let us know in the comment section below!

Keep your heads up ‘Rines, and have a very happy January.

The Current would like to offer this photo of a two-headed dog to anyone who was bummed out whilst reading the article.