September has ended, the leaves are starting to fall, the weather getting colder, and the days getting darker. To make the most of the sunlight left, I write to help you all do the only logical thing to do just because you have nothing better to do and that is… Homecoming proposals!

Ah yes, Homecoming.

The big poster signs made with friends that take hours to make but the smile after they say yes is all worth it. Just look at my boy Sergio’s proposal in the picture. It took five days but you can’t rush art, so I’m not complaining. Now I understand some of my guys out there are a little on the empty side and need some cheap yet effective ideas.

Option 1: This idea is kind of dry but still worth a shot. Whenever given the chance, write out “Homecoming is sheet without you” on toilet paper. The only thing that makes this work is the puns. Puns are a major key.

Option 2: This one is better with a friend but can also be done solo. When you get to school check into class first so we avoid that unexcused tardy. Then, when Mr. Orders is saying his SAT word of the day, tackle him and snatch the mic out of his hand, then ask that special lady to be yours.  Her reaction will be worth your the time you’ll spend being suspended.

Option 3: This goes out for all my ballers out there with just bands to spend: Tattoo “Hoco?” across your face and have a mariachi band follow her until she says yes. I guarantee you there’s a 100 percent success rate that she’ll say yes and you’ll get two bonus backhand slaps across the face from your parents.

There’s another option, which is to have the President of the United States pass a mandate (look at that AP Gov vocab coming in handy) to force the girl to go to Homecoming with you.  But most people can’t do that one, because I’m the only person that’s cool with my man Barry. Now that I think about it, I should make rule apply for Jennifer Vargas. College or not, here we go!

Side note for the ladies, Sadie Hawkins still exists! Don’t be afraid to go out there and ask the guy of your dreams or the guy whose hoodie you stole. Just do it. By the way, as a member of the male community, we are tired of having our hoodies and jackets hoodwinked without a say, so we have come to a consensus that we’re also taking hoodies.

But why stop there? We’ll also be stealing, I mean borrowing your hoodies, Hellys, leggings, the Rihanna Fenty slides (that some will never admit look good, but low key can’t deny), Uggs, and much more.  But that’s a column for another day.

As I said earlier, puns are everything so have a nice trip, and see you next fall.

Jeez, I’m so corny.