Every year, Valentine’s Day comes around, and people mess it up in some way, shape or form.
Unfortunately, this happened to my friend. I want to clarify that I have her permission to share this, although I will change their names so as to not embarrass the guilty.
Our two main characters: Paige Turner and Neil Down, and they’re exes.
Paige decided to get back together with Neil because she didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day (we’ve all been there, girl!). He promised a very romantic and fun date. Naturally, Paige gets all excited and decides to dress to the nines, even attempting a cat-eye with her eyeliner.
When Neil picks her up, he does a double take and says, “That face paint doesn’t suit you. You look like the Lorax.” Paige shoots him a death glare because while her foundation might have looked a little orange in the light of his car, it wasn’t okay for him to say that. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a big enough red flag to stop her from going on the date.
Neil parks the car, and she gets out and looks up. In big, lit-up letters… SkyZone.
The guy took her to SkyZone when she was in a ballgown! Bad move. Spoiler alert: wearing a ballgown while careening off trampolines can lead to injury.
Surprise, surprise—she sprained her ankle. Neil, ever the romantic, sauntered over with a look of concern on his face. “Let me check on your ankle,” he said. She thought, “Finally, a moment of caring!” But instead, he bursts out laughing and says, “That looks like a Jolly Rancher.” No, Neil, that’s not the icebreaker we need on Valentine’s Day! Maybe next time, consider a bouquet of flowers and a heartfelt apology.
This is where she snaps. If you have never seen a woman truly mad, keep it that way.
She breaks up with him… again. Suddenly, a SkyZone employee comes to her rescue (similar to how people in sitcoms just suddenly appear).
Neil then looks at Paige dead in the eyes and says, “Well, he’s got it under control. I’m going to dip; it was nice hanging with you, Sarah.” ( Her name is not Sarah).
That was the end of Neil.
Overall, this is a story we will be laughing about for quite some time. And as a word of warning for the ladies out there: don’t go out with a guy like Neil.
