A long time ago, like really, really back in the day in Newspaper 101, aka Journalism 1, we learned how to write a perfectly structured article, and I remember coming across a fake article called “Reasons why I would NOT survive an apocalypse.” It was a great and cute article, but I am here to tell you reasons why I would survive an apocalypse.
- One: I’m very funny. I fully believe that if I cracked one of my doctor jokes or even my dad jokes to the zombies, they’d have a hard time remembering they’re supposed to be biting me and eating my brain or something. Due to my swag, they’d be too focused on why the Dalmatian went to the eye doctor and wouldn’t notice me snagging food or looking for my way out of there. There might be some jealous zombies that would detest me for my humorous brain, so I won’t overdo the jokes. It’d just be the perfect amount of jokes to distract them.
- Two: my gorgeous and delicious brain. Guys, there’s something about me that no one knows yet because I have a secret. My secret is that I have the power to turn my brain juices which, in turn, doesn’t attract the zombies to me. Though my brain is ginormous, that’s all it’s known for. My brain isn’t special in any way that would attract the zombies to me. That’s how I will find a way out without having to do any work.
- Three: I’d be late. If you know me, this really won’t be a surprise. Honestly, I’d probably be late to the apocalypse itself. I trust that I’d be taking too long. Doing what? Even I don’t know.
- Four: my skills. I am very skillful. I mean, Gordan Ramsey’s chef-type skillful, minus the sassy and rude attitude and the cooking. I can totally go out into the wild and hunt wild animals for food. I’d save everyone with my skills, and people would be full for days. The zombies might even get jealous and come sneak a bite of my meals. Aside from cooking skills, I am literally almost a doctor (just like 15 more years of studying, but that’s beside the point). I know my medical skills would serve their purpose in survival. I’d be like a walking survival kit.
- Five: my strength. I have the strength of Hulk. Most people may not agree with this because I have been told that I don’t look strong, but trust me, on the inside, I am. I also have a strong mind. Strength can be applied not only physically but also mentally!
Honestly, I believe I could be the leader of the free world. I will be the one to take one for the team and lead the world to freedom. President’s Day as well as Election Day is soon arriving, vote HUSWAT for President. Trust, I won’t let you down!
