Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.

In honor of Women’s History Month I have come back from my last Disney article with a vengeance. It is time that we finally talk about everything that’s wrong with the Disney Princes. We’ll be going in order from worst to best, so sit back and enjoy the ride. 

1.  Starting us off strong, we have John Smith from Pocahontas. I have very little to say about Smith; he’s a horrible person, plain and simple. There is significant evidence that he made up the whole story about her saving him (and she was 11 at the time. Ew.) Then he left her and went back to England. In his absence, she was kidnapped and raped by the colonizers and then married a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DUDE named John Rolfe. Disney only shows you a courageous man who saves Pocahontas from the colonizers, while they paint with the colors of the wind.
2. Second, we have Prince Florian from Snow White. How many times do I have to tell you this? YOU CAN’T KISS UNCONSCIOUS MINORS THAT YOU FIND IN THE WOODS. That is assault. Also Florian is 31 years old kissing 14-year-old strangers that he finds unconscious cased in a tree in the middle of the woods. I don’t know about you, but in my opinion that is a bit weird. Also, how was it true love’s kiss if they had never even met before?
3. In third place we have Prince Philip from Sleeping Beauty. A similar situation to Snow White except the age range is slightly more acceptable. Aurora was only 16 while Philip was 20. Once again I will be saying YOU CAN’T KISS UNCONSCIOUS MINORS THAT YOU FIND IN THE WOODS. Another instance in which Disney covers up the truth, in the original story Philip raped Aurora. Literally. She had his babies while still unconscious. CONSENT MATTERS.
4. In fourth place we have Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid. Eric fell in love with the woman who saved his life in the ocean and decided he only wanted to marry the girl that sang him back to consciousness. Then he fell in love with her again, but he fell for her looks because she was unable to speak. Eric only liked her for her body until she got her voice back. But when Ursula stole her voice, leaving her temporarily disabled, he no longer wanted anything to do with her. I could be wrong here (though I rarely am) but Eric seems like a bit of an ableist dirtbag. 
5. Coming in hot in fifth place we have Prince Charming from Cinderella. Now don’t get me wrong, Cinderella is a wonderful movie. But why can’t Charming recognize the face of the woman he spent the entire night with. Instead he goes around checking the feet of every woman in town like a weirdo. Me personally, Cindy dear, I wouldn’t fall for a man with a foot fetish.
6. Sixth place goes to, Flynn Rider from Rapunzel. Flynn is a bit conceited and selfish. He literally broke into Rapunzel’s tower and tried to rob her until he realized someone lived there. But he got his karma almost instantly when Rapunzel knocked him out with a frying pan. 
7. In Seventh, Aladdin from… well Aladdin. There’s really not much to say about him, he’s a thief. He definitely goes to brothels. He lied about being a rich prince, and then let the money get to his head. 
8. Eighth place goes to, the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. First off, he kidnapped Belle and held her hostage so that she would fall in love with him. She ended up falling in love with him. Obviously it’s Disney, but that is Stockholm syndrome. AND THE PRINCE IS UGLY. Come on Disney, if you’re going to make a beast turn into a prince at least make the prince better looking than the beast. I was literally sitting there waiting for some hot prince to show up and was disappointed.
9. In ninth place there’s Li Shang from Mulan. Not much on Li honestly, but someone MIGHT want to warn Mulan that he was definitely into men. Which is 100% fine, but Mulan, you might want to find someone who will love you for who you actually are. You cannot tell me otherwise because he fell in love with Mulan before he found out she was a female, and we saw how disappointed he was when he found out she was not a dude. It’s 2023 though you can like whoever you want. You can settle down with a hot solider and do you, boo. 
10. My personal favorite, in tenth place, is Prince Naveen from The Princess and The Frog. Naveen never wanted to be a prince, he wanted a simple life, and work for the things he wanted. But he was a frog for 95% of the movie.
11. And last but not least in eleventh, Kristoff Bjorgman from Frozen. It’s a dude and his moose deer thing. 

There are so many things that could be said about Disney Princes, yet the main theme here is that every Disney Princess falls in love with a toxic man because she has daddy issues.