Being the best associate editor to ever grace The Current staff is hard. Despite the copious amounts of amazing articles  (Editor’s Note: he’s written like three articles) I write, I’m still being harassed and nagged. It’s such a hard and sad time we live in. It’s honestly overworking and bullying.

Let me present my case. You’re a chill guy in a mostly chill period just chilling right, then some girl who isn’t the teacher and definitely isn’t your boss in any way shape or form, is in your ear saying “Write an article.” As I write this she continues to say, “Yes I am [your boss], that’s literally my job.” It had me slapping my knees, as if. (Editor’s Note: I am actually his boss.)

I digress. I’m just trying to take a little class nap on the perfectly structured nap table. I lay across it talking to my friends as if it were a fun little therapy session. You know? Who wouldn’t mind using the time you have to work on articles as nap time? Everyone loves a little nap time, but no, Josh can’t have nap time blah blah whatever. I just want to chill out a little and kick back. (Editor’s Note: We’d let him nap if he did his work first. He literally has this class three times a day. How many naps does he need?)

They choose to bother me in times of peace and constantly torment me with their silly little insults. Their efforts to shave my luscious hair falters as I simply turn away. Though I am afraid when they pull out the scissors as a threat if I don’t get up and do my work, I keep my composure and stand my ground. (Editor’s Note: Never happened.)

If you’ve never experienced work place beef,  just come work for The Current, especially under “Editor-in-Chief” Ryleigh Waters. More like editor-in-beef. The words she and Confino say go in one ear and come out the other. At least once a day they bully me about the way I carry myself or even gaslight me (Editor’s Note: He gaslights us. This is a prime example). The rest of The Current staff are honestly wonderful people and I’m sure they all love me, as they should. (Editor’s Note: We took a survey. This is not true).

They continue to ask me what I’m doing, but I keep my plans to myself. (Editor’s Note: He spends the whole period talking to Phanuel and Michael. We know all of his plans. We just want him to write his articles.) Move in silence, never let them know your next step and stay humble. I’m totally not just procrastinating and not putting off my work. Personally, I see my not working as a sign of fortitude and rationing of my amazing articles. If The Current were to be flooded with my content, it would get dull and boring. (Editor’s Note: If that were true, we wouldn’t tell you to write articles.)

I hide my tears with laughter as Confino bullies me into writing articles. (Editor’s Note: Saying, Josh, please write your article doesn’t constitute bullying.) It’s motivation for sure but it’s not good motivation. My “boss,” who’s still definitely not my boss, just bullies me for fun. I would unionize against this if I could. Even if I do what they want, they still bully me. (Editor’s Note: We just want him to do the same work we ask everyone else to do. This is a team.)

I’ve heard a wide range of insults about my mannerisms and appearance. My barking and crying isn’t even that bad honestly I don’t know why they hate it. If anything it lightens up the mood and keeps our staff morale up.

Alas, any efforts I make don’t matter. I will continue to be The Current‘s laughing stock in the eyes of my “superiors.” Even though I’m pretty sure they love me, cause who can really hate me? (Editor’s Note: We love that you wrote your article. However, you’ll be hearing from our attorney.)