Now of course, I would never encourage skipping class; skipping class is wrong and you should never do it. That being said, sometimes things happen, so here are the top ten excuses for missing your zoom calls.
*Editor’s note: The Current does not condone skipping class (okay, maybe Caleb does). The following article is for entertainment purposes only. And if you do use one of these, don’t blame us when your grade suffers. We warned you!*
You can say that you needed to help your siblings get on their zoom call or do their work. Teachers understand this, and they can’t check to see if you actually have any siblings, because that would be super creepy. Seriously though, a lot of students have siblings who are in elementary and middle school and they need someone’s help to get on their Zoom classes. If this is you, feel free to use this excuse. It’s a good one.
Wi-Fi is down. This one is guaranteed to work. Solid. What are they gonna say, no it’s not? Wrong, they don’t know. Just don’t email them that the Wi-Fi is down while your Wi-Fi is supposed to be down, or use your mobile data to email them and mention that you’re using your data to do so. You could give it away, so be careful, why be risky? You can use it again and again and the worst that happens is your teacher thinks you have bad Wi-Fi, which makes sense because sometimes even teachers have bad Wi-Fi.
Tell them you have work. This may in fact be true, or you could be lying, you do you. They may say “too bad,” and it may not work. Either way, you’re at least giving a reason, and not just an excuse.
Tell the teacher you slept in. Now they might not excuse this because it’s probably the actual truth. At least you’re honest, and they might not get mad. The worse that happens is them giving you a stern talking to, which- at this point- you’re probably already used to it. (We see you Caleb!)
Go to class, turn your camera off, and then walk away. It’s easy and effective. While it does leave the risk of being caught when teachers call for attendance, it’s also the best way to get yourself marked present without listening to your teacher.
Pretend to be sick. This is a classic that always works. Make sure to note that you can’t even get out of bed to go to your computer. Maybe hint that you have COVID-19 so your teacher gets extra concerned and excuse you from work. Just slightly overshare your “symptoms” so that they’re grossed out enough to leave you alone.
Don’t use an excuse, just don’t go and if they bring it up pretend you don’t know what they’re talking about. Confuse them so they’re not sure what’s real anymore. *Results may vary.*
Tell them your dog ate your homework. Now of course, what teacher would believe this? It’s the classic and, quite frankly, iconic excuse, but probably wouldn’t work since all of your homework is online. It also doesn’t excuse you for not going to class. But here’s the thing. Have your friend send your teacher a picture of some destroyed laptop and say your dog ate it. Can’t go to class with no computer. Guaranteed to work 10/10 times.
The classic doctors appointment. It worked during in-person school, and works online. People always need doctors, and you shouldn’t neglect your health, especially during a pandemic. Sometimes your teacher may ask for a doctor’s note, but you can tell them that your doctor doesn’t have hands and can’t write a note.
The best way to get out of virtual class is a little more proactive than the other approaches. Before class even begins, you can do one of two things. 1) Hack Zoom headquarters to get the entire app shutdown. This is guaranteed to get your zoom class cancelled. Or 2) you can break into your teachers house and shut down their Wi-Fi. Also guaranteed to make your zoom class cancelled. *Disclaimer please don’t do this.*